What happens when one of Football Manager’s most hapless strategists takes a break from football and applies himself to world history?
Can a man who failed so miserably with Everton perform any better when bestowed with immortality and granted complete control of an ancient society of hunter-gatherers? Will he win the space race or die in the dark ages? Find out now. Or don’t. I’m in so deep now that wild horses couldn’t drag me out.
We may have just signed a peace treaty with the Aztec Empire, but I have no intention of holding to my word. Montezuma invaded my lands without reason, he slaughtered Oasis and Pulp in his bid to claim my cities and he robbed us of our most heroic champion, the mighty Meat Loaf, who died so that others might live. I am tooling up and I am marching to war. I station Mansun to the west of the empire to keep an eye on the Mongols, because a sneak attack from them would ruin everything, while Blur stand ready in the hills to the east. Now it’s just a race to build catapults.
The rearmament process moves quickly and by 700AD, I begin to link my units together ready for the invasion. And then something very odd happens. Apparently unaware that Adolf Hitler lost the Second World War the moment he opened up a new front in Russia, Montezuma executes his own Operation Barbarossa, declaring war on Gandhi to his south. As my axemen gather on his western borders, we watch in delight as a six-strong stack of axemen marches away from his cities.
Of course, the ideal outcome is that both sides batter each other senseless without either one gaining the upper hand. Unfortunately, Gandhi is still at war with Napoleon and Madras is not as well defended as it should have…